This is Ginny.
The Sunday before we left for China we had several people at our church pray for us. One of the main things we prayed for was our Gotcha Day. We prayed that Mia would be "stupidly peaceful" which I know sounds kind of odd.
But we remembered how both Adam and I were "stupidly peaceful" during our incredibly scary pregnancy with Austin. We had lots of people praying for us and we felt unexplainably calm and yes "stupidly peaceful."
We knew Gotcha Day was going to be an incredibly scary time for Mia and we thought why not pray this for her as well. I have to admit it even though we prayed for it, it still worried me a little bit just how "stupidly peaceful and happy" she was.
Gotcha Day felt very much like a fairy tale and I wondered if she fully comprehended what was happening and how long this honeymoon phase would last. Surely she will grieve at some point and what will that look like for our daughter.
Our entire first week with our daughter was EASY! She was chatty the first couple of days but then quieter after she realized we had no idea what she was saying. She did everything she was suppose to and never cried once. We did lots of sight seeing which required lots of walking and she never complained once.
This second week has been very different. It is obvious that she is bonding well with us which we are thrilled with and also beginning to grieve. We have seen so much more of her personality during this second week and we love it! But alongside this she is beginning to grieve and that is hard especially since we still can't fully communicate with her.
I read in one of my adoption books that whining is acutally a good sign. It means she is becoming comfortable with us and is attaching to us. So yeah, she is attaching!!! She is letting me know when we are walking too far and she gets tired or hungry and I am only just today fully understanding her when she tells me she has to go to the bathroom (up until yesterday the poor girl had to jump up and down and hold herself before I got the hint).
Actually, we found out that "pee pee" is pronounced kind of like "meow meow" expect with an "n" so it is "neow neow." Yesterday, we were out shopping and she had to go to the bathroom (and I understood!). I didn't know where the bathroom was so I asked an employee in English. Lots of people in Guangzhou know some English but this person did not. So, I said the only thing I knew to say, "neow neow." After stifling some laughter, she showed me where the bathroom was.
Adam wrote how a couple of days ago Mia cried (okay screamed) the entire way home because she didn't want to hold his hand so he carried her. She will only hold my hand or Ashlyn's hand but not Adam's hand when we are out in public. I found this puzzling since in many ways Adam is the favored parent. It is obvious she loves him. She is quick to share her food with him and engage him in silly antics. She laughs the most when she is with him. She lets him tickle her, lift her up, swing her around, and be just plain goofy, so why not hold his hand in public settings? We recalled that she said she was with her father when the train accident occured (no mention of the mother) and wonder if he was holding her hand when the scary accident took place. We did have a slight break through today when she was holding my hand and held out her little arm for Adam to hold as we were crossing a busy street. Small steps.
So what are our days like? Lots of giggling and laughter, lots of fun and lots of smiles, lots of bonding. She is back to being her chatty self again and will get louder when we don't understand her to the point of almost shouting at us in Chinese.
She is a very happy and adventurous kid. We really haven't found her to be afraid of anything. We took her to the pool today (it was kind of cold) but she loved it! Even after she lost her balance and fell in and needed help getting out she went right back in. She loves animals and was disappointed she couldn't be inside with the animals at the zoo. She will love the petting zoo. She loved the amusement park rides we took her on yesterday. I get the impression that she will try anything.
Alongside this happy and adventurous kid though is a kid who is grieving. It is coming out over little things. No, you can't have a bath before you get dressed because we have to get breakfast and meet our guide soon (nevermind that she had 2 baths the day before). No, you have to go to bed now (fortunately, she is tired by 7:00 and will fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly for 10-11 hours each night). No, you can't tell Ashlyn which headband she will wear today. No, we don't have matching clothes today (choices of clean clothes are getting limited at this point). Each time she reacts the same way with a somewhat adorable pout and soft crying. The crying usually last 5-10 minutes and then she complies and is happy again.
We recognize this for what it is. Not as a child who is spoiled and use to getting her way but as a child who has lost everything she knows and is being forced to completely start over (language, customs, food, clothes, etc., etc). It is mind boggling really when you think about it. And when I try to wrap my mind around all of the changes she has incured these last couple of weeks I am in awe of this child of ours.... strong and determined, a fighter, loving and fun....OUR daughter.
Right outside the US consulate appointment (the reason why we needed to stay here this long).
The Sunday before we left for China we had several people at our church pray for us. One of the main things we prayed for was our Gotcha Day. We prayed that Mia would be "stupidly peaceful" which I know sounds kind of odd.
But we remembered how both Adam and I were "stupidly peaceful" during our incredibly scary pregnancy with Austin. We had lots of people praying for us and we felt unexplainably calm and yes "stupidly peaceful."
We knew Gotcha Day was going to be an incredibly scary time for Mia and we thought why not pray this for her as well. I have to admit it even though we prayed for it, it still worried me a little bit just how "stupidly peaceful and happy" she was.
Gotcha Day felt very much like a fairy tale and I wondered if she fully comprehended what was happening and how long this honeymoon phase would last. Surely she will grieve at some point and what will that look like for our daughter.
Our entire first week with our daughter was EASY! She was chatty the first couple of days but then quieter after she realized we had no idea what she was saying. She did everything she was suppose to and never cried once. We did lots of sight seeing which required lots of walking and she never complained once.
This second week has been very different. It is obvious that she is bonding well with us which we are thrilled with and also beginning to grieve. We have seen so much more of her personality during this second week and we love it! But alongside this she is beginning to grieve and that is hard especially since we still can't fully communicate with her.
I read in one of my adoption books that whining is acutally a good sign. It means she is becoming comfortable with us and is attaching to us. So yeah, she is attaching!!! She is letting me know when we are walking too far and she gets tired or hungry and I am only just today fully understanding her when she tells me she has to go to the bathroom (up until yesterday the poor girl had to jump up and down and hold herself before I got the hint).
Actually, we found out that "pee pee" is pronounced kind of like "meow meow" expect with an "n" so it is "neow neow." Yesterday, we were out shopping and she had to go to the bathroom (and I understood!). I didn't know where the bathroom was so I asked an employee in English. Lots of people in Guangzhou know some English but this person did not. So, I said the only thing I knew to say, "neow neow." After stifling some laughter, she showed me where the bathroom was.
Adam wrote how a couple of days ago Mia cried (okay screamed) the entire way home because she didn't want to hold his hand so he carried her. She will only hold my hand or Ashlyn's hand but not Adam's hand when we are out in public. I found this puzzling since in many ways Adam is the favored parent. It is obvious she loves him. She is quick to share her food with him and engage him in silly antics. She laughs the most when she is with him. She lets him tickle her, lift her up, swing her around, and be just plain goofy, so why not hold his hand in public settings? We recalled that she said she was with her father when the train accident occured (no mention of the mother) and wonder if he was holding her hand when the scary accident took place. We did have a slight break through today when she was holding my hand and held out her little arm for Adam to hold as we were crossing a busy street. Small steps.
So what are our days like? Lots of giggling and laughter, lots of fun and lots of smiles, lots of bonding. She is back to being her chatty self again and will get louder when we don't understand her to the point of almost shouting at us in Chinese.
She is a very happy and adventurous kid. We really haven't found her to be afraid of anything. We took her to the pool today (it was kind of cold) but she loved it! Even after she lost her balance and fell in and needed help getting out she went right back in. She loves animals and was disappointed she couldn't be inside with the animals at the zoo. She will love the petting zoo. She loved the amusement park rides we took her on yesterday. I get the impression that she will try anything.
Alongside this happy and adventurous kid though is a kid who is grieving. It is coming out over little things. No, you can't have a bath before you get dressed because we have to get breakfast and meet our guide soon (nevermind that she had 2 baths the day before). No, you have to go to bed now (fortunately, she is tired by 7:00 and will fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly for 10-11 hours each night). No, you can't tell Ashlyn which headband she will wear today. No, we don't have matching clothes today (choices of clean clothes are getting limited at this point). Each time she reacts the same way with a somewhat adorable pout and soft crying. The crying usually last 5-10 minutes and then she complies and is happy again.
We recognize this for what it is. Not as a child who is spoiled and use to getting her way but as a child who has lost everything she knows and is being forced to completely start over (language, customs, food, clothes, etc., etc). It is mind boggling really when you think about it. And when I try to wrap my mind around all of the changes she has incured these last couple of weeks I am in awe of this child of ours.... strong and determined, a fighter, loving and fun....OUR daughter.
After breakfast the girls love to come here to feed the fish.
Ginny, I can't tell you how much I appreciate reading your words of wisdom and insight into your daughter, and what she is going through Even now I can't thoroughly articulate it, but as I am reading, I am reliving our early days with Felicity. In many ways it was surreal. She instantly and miraculously bonded with us. I was (and am) amazed at the capacity God gave her to love, as well as her coping skills, which to this day I tell people are better than most adults I know. Yet, at the same time, there was... and still is... grieving... God has been so faithful to point this out to both Ken and I at different key times... the tough thing can be navigating through "ok, is this just normal kid stuff, or is there more to this melt down?"
ReplyDeleteYour generosity in sharing your journey has been more than warm and fuzzy nostalgia for me. Though I wouldn't have thought in these terms, it has been therapeutic for me. And for that, I am so thankful! :^)