Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Making Progress


  We are nearing the 2 month mark since coming home with Mia (11/17).  I truly cannot believe how far we have come in such a short time.  I am sure for those of you reading this it would be easy to think everything has gone perfectly.  Looking at the pictures and the video and even I forget the early struggles. 

For starters, I am amazed at how well we communicate with our new daughter now.  I remember the first day with her and feeling overwhelmed with the realization that I have a new child and she is 7 and I can understand NOTHING she says and of course the same goes for her.  

In those first few hours, Mia babbled (at least that's what it sounded like to me) on and on and I remember panicking and looking to our guide/translator for advice.  Even though I knew in my head we would not be able to carry on a conversation, I didn't fully realize how that was going to play out the first few days.  

Lots of people do what we have done and somehow they make it through.  It can't be that hard I would tell myself.  Well, I was wrong, it was hard and overwhelming.  I looked to our guide as to how I should respond to her chattering.  Our guide told me, "just smile and nod."  

Even though that was probably the right answer I cannot tell you how small that made me feel. How long would I have to "just smile and nod."  Somehow this felt wrong yet it was the only answer. 

And how did Mia react with not being able to communicate with us?  Much better then me:)  I remember thinking at least I knew this was coming.  Did she have any idea that she would not understand a word her new family was saying?  I asked our guide if she had been prepared for this part.  Did she know that this was going to be part of the package of her adoption into our American family?  Our guide's response, "well she knows now."  

Now 2 months later and I can honestly say I almost never have to "just smile and nod."  Communication has come that far.  In fact, on the rare occasion I really can't tell what she is saying I have to remind myself that it is still okay to "just smile and nod" once in a while. Otherwise, I can actually make the situation more frustrating for Mia by forcing her to explain herself over and over. 

Whenever someone is around to translate what she is saying, I am reminded that she is not just babbling but really does have good and even funny things to say. 

 Here is a video of Mia seeing her bedroom for the first time.  I found out that in the video she was saying, "This America...it's pretty good."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnuT8MTZSuA&feature=youtu.be

 Another area that Mia has made progress is with writing and drawing.  Her file written on Aug. 2011 had mentioned that she was not writing yet.  However, I thought for sure that almost a year and half later she would be able to do some writing.  However, I was wrong.  I do not believe she could even write her name.  When she first came home she had trouble following a straight line or making a circle and I never saw her draw any pictures.  I am going to make a guess that she truly did not do any writing/drawing/coloring in China.  I think she did learn to read some but not write or draw.  

After she got home she started school right away.  Each day she came home with a paper.  They were filled with a few scribbles here and there but no pictures, no letters, not even her name was on the paper... honestly Austin could have done a better job on those first few papers.  There was dot to dots where the dots were never connected and again random scribbles covered what should have been a picture.     
   
This was all before the Christmas break.  Over Christmas break something amazing happened.  For our trip to NY, I had given each of the kids a pad of paper partly because that is something I usually do on long trips but I was also secretly hoping it would spur Mia to draw.  I was a bit disappointed that she never used it....the whole drive to NY... nope, the whole time in NY...nope.  

But driving home (in fact, we were almost home at this point), Ashlyn and Mia both had their pads of paper.  All of a sudden Mia proudly displays her paper and of course I have to crane my neck to see it.  She has made a picture of a person...now it was a very crude drawing (maybe something a 3 year old would make) but it was a drawing none the less and I couldn't have been more pleased...I made Adam who was driving even take a look.  From nothing to something... it was amazing.

Mia's first drawing (1/1/13)
 
Yesterday was her first day back at school from break and both days she has brought home papers.  I thought I was going to cry when I saw her paper yesterday.  She was suppose to draw and write about her break.  She drew a picture of the family and wrote about a gazillion letters.  Every line was filled.  Her name was written at the top exactly where it should go.  It looked like a real school paper.  Such progress!!!! 

Mia's first real school paper (1/7/13)


And the back:)

Communicating and beginning to write is great but her adjustment to our family and our adjustment to her has seen the biggest improvement.  Now don't get me wrong I think she has been happy with us from the start but now we are starting to jell as a family.  For the first few weeks it did feel like we had an extra guest in the house.  

Ashlyn and Mia spent a lot of time together in China and had some good moments of interacting together but I don't think they really bonded together like I had hoped.  Sure, they posed great for pictures but it wasn't instant sisterhood like I had envisioned for them.  

Ryan did a wonderful job when we first came home and still does in his big brother role and some ways has been the first to really bond with Mia.  

Austin and Mia have a love hate relationship.  I don't think Mia realizes just how much older she is then Austin.  They are the two I have to keep my eye on when they are together.  In the beginning she would tell Austin "no" ALL THE TIME which was probably deserved but not helping her relationship with her little brother.  I have had to tell her to let me worry about "Didi" (little brother).  Fortunately, this has gotten better.  

They do bond together over bath time.  They both love to take a bath every single morning after they get up.  They are learning to share toys through their bath time together and be in close proximity and actually enjoy it:)  The other day I overheard Mia singing in Chinese in the bath tub and Austin was singing along with her.  It was the cutest thing ever.  And when I pick Mia up from school at lunch time, Mia always says, "hi Didi" and Austin always says, "hi Mia."  They are truly glad to see each other.

Back to Ashlyn and Mia.  They have gotten along just fine and they sleep in the same room.  But that was it.  I wondered if I was being fair to Ashlyn by having her suddenly have to share a room.  However, I don't wonder that anymore.  For the first time there are spending time together in their room by themselves.  When I check on them I am amazed.  They are on the floor wrestling and giggling (Ashlyn letting Mia win the wrestling match), the two snuggled up in one of the bed's together watching a video on the ipad while hugging each other, reading books together, or just playing.  Ashlyn has begun to take on a big sister role and actively trying to teach Mia things.  They are becoming sisters and it is amazing to watch. 

And as for myself....I have fallen in love.  In the beginning I was overwhelmed. There was so much extra noise and chaos (Mia can be loud and energetic and combine that with our other 3 and oh boy!). There were times where it was hard for me to truly appreciate our new family of 6.  

Over these last few weeks, however, Mia has truly become a member of our family.  And not just on paper.  She has brought increased joy and life into our home.  She has adapted to so many new things.  It is starting to feel like she has always been with us.  I love her so much and couldn't imagine life without 
her.
 
 I am so blessed to have two awesome daughters.
 Mia and Ashlyn on Christmas Eve
 The girls were being so quiet in their room and so when I checked on them this is what I found.  Mia was fast asleep.
Austin (otherwise known as Didi) on Christmas Day.  I love my red-headed boy!
After driving home to Ohio on Jan. 1st we had more Christmas waiting for us.

           Mia and Ryan after her first Tae Kwon Do class.  She wanted to do this so badly.  Ryan is the best big brother.